


Mixed Messages

by markijack



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Texting, alcohol mentioned, but just jokes, mentions of illness/injury, no plot at all really just the Boys being silly & cute, some sexual content, vignette style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-24 13:57:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19725064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markijack/pseuds/markijack
Summary: A collection of texts from Chase & Henrik - little conversations about their life & love :)





	Mixed Messages

**Chase's texts are in bold**  
_Henrik's texts are in italics_  
\-- dashes represent different days/conversations  
Full disclosure: German parts were done with Google translate

\--

**5:39 pm: Finally heading home - had the WORST day**

_6:01 pm: Me too - a patient almost died on the table twice - survived but it’s still pretty touch and go. You?_

**6:02 pm: I dropped the soup I brought for lunch all over the floor so I had to clean it up then eat a granola bar instead but NOW I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE**

_6:02 pm: Sorry about your soup_

**6:03 pm: SORRY ABOUT YOUR ACTUAL HUMAN PATIENT**

_6:05 pm: Don’t be sorry. We did everything we could for the patient - unfortunately, nothing I can do can bring back your soup_

\--

**5:05 pm: There’s only 1 GoGurt left in the fridge - if I eat it am I a bad parent for stealing the kids’ snacks or a good parent for preventing them from fighting over it?**

_5:09 pm: Both. Schrodinger’s GoGurt_

\--

**7:36 pm: SHIT I forgot it was my turn to do laundry and I went out to dinner with JJ. Are you out of clean work clothes for tomorrow?**

_7:41 pm: It’s ok - I noticed you forgot so I did it_

**7:41 pm: That’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard**

_7:43 pm: I already folded it and put it away too_ 😏

**7:43 pm: OOOH STOP I’m in public** 😩😩😩

_7:44 pm: Enjoy your dinner, Dummkopf. Tell JJ I say hi._

**7:45 pm:** 😘

\--

_6:12 pm: Just got home - where are you?_

**6:13 pm: Bedroom - it’s rainy out come hide under cozy blankets with me**

_6:13 pm:_ 😊

\--

**11:42 am: What’s workplace drama like for doctors? Because we got a new social media intern today and one of our editors, Dave, is already convinced he stole his stapler**

**4:33 pm: JDGHJGHD we asked what he thought of the job** **and he said ‘I’m really excited - it seems really cool and I’m so lucky to find a paid internship because most of my friends are working for free’ and Dave said ‘Yeah, at those jobs you have to steal office supplies to feel like you’re getting anything out of it.’ WE HAVE TO WORK WITH THIS KID FOR 3 MONTHS AT LEAST OH MY GOD**

\--

**12:37 pm: What if ‘ginger’ rhymed with ‘finger’**

_1:01 pm: ...what?_

**1:02 pm: Is that funny enough to put on twitter?**

_1:02 pm: That’s more of a Marvin question. I don’t really use Twitter_

**1:04 pm: Marvin blocked me because I may or may not have been texting him the lyrics to ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ line by line**

**1:04 pm: But it’s cool I’ll just ask Jackie**

\--

_12:17 pm: Look - I’m texting YOU from work today!_

**12:19 pm: Hi! What are you up to?**

_12:19 pm: Eating lunch._

**12:20 pm: Hm, that’s interesting. Because sometimes I text you BEFORE your lunch break and you don’t get them until the end of the day bc you ‘didn’t see them.’ I’m just saying your story has a lot of holes, SIR** 😒

_12:21 pm: Sometimes I eat lunch with my coworkers and I don’t check my phone around them because they make fun of me for ‘grinning like an idiot’ when I read your messages_

**12:21 pm: Aw**

**12:22 pm: But also not valid bc I grin like an idiot when I send them and no one ever says anything to me??**

_12:23 pm: People don’t notice because you always look like an idiot_

**12:24 pm: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DRAG ME YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE MEEE**

_12:24 pm:I do love you_

_12:25 pm: But you set me up for that one_

\--

**4:44 pm: Update on Kyle (that new social media intern): this morning he volunteered to go get coffee for everyone which was nice but apparently one of the camerawomen heard him talking to someone on the phone at lunch and complaining about how we “make him run all these errands.” People are turning against him fast. Poor kid.**

\--

_6:32 pm: Hey_ 🐰 _\- home from work? What’s up with you?_

**6:35 pm: Yeah - should probably start dinner. What do you want?**

_6:37 pm: We have leftovers we should probably finish up. We’ll have to go to the grocery store at some point before the kids come this weekend._

**6:38 pm: I wanted to wash their sheets for them too. Should really tackle that tonight**

_6:39 pm: Yeah I’ve been meaning to clean the downstairs bathroom but I keep putting it off_

**6:40 pm: Ugh I feel you. I desperately need to clean out my car - it’s such a disaster**

_6:42 pm: … so when I get home… do you want to order pizza and watch Netflix?_

**6:42 pm: Obviously**

\--

_12:10 pm: Saw someone in the hospital lobby wearing a Bro Average shirt!!!_

**1:01 pm: It must be so weird dating a YouTuber because in some contexts it’s the most embarrassing thing to have to admit but other times it’s like dating a celebrity**

_3:15 pm: Why would it be embarrassing?_

**3:20 pm: Idk I’ve just heard that it’s embarrassing to be talking to like coworkers or other adults and have to say “he’s a YouTuber.”**

**3:21 pm: And I wouldn’t know because I get to be like “my boyfriend’s a surgeon” that’s so impressive**

_3:22 pm: I’d rather date a YouTuber than a surgeon. I know a lot of surgeons and they’re the worst - don’t know how you put up with one_

**3:23 pm: I mean there are a LOT of obnoxious YouTubers - pretty cringy to be with one of Those people**

_3:25 pm: Dating a YouTuber is better because I can watch your videos whenever I want. Sometimes when I’m at work we have lunch together_ 😊

**3:26 pm: Stop** 😭 **now I feel bad bc when I miss you at work I just send you some bullshit text to annoy you**

_3:26 pm: Don’t feel bad - I treasure those bullshit texts_

**3:27 pm: Sir that’s my emotional support nonsense**

\--

**7:26 pm:**

**Excuse me sir may I see that dicc??**

_7:26 pm: I hate you_

**7:26 pm: That’s not a very nice thing to say to your boyfriend at all. Why do you hate me?**

_7:27 pm: 1. We’re in the same room right now 2. I just watched you get up and walk across the room to get your phone so you could send that 3. Now you’re just hiding behind your phone and leering at me whenever you think I’m not looking_

**7:27 pm: So that’s a no on the dick pics then?**

_7:28 pm:_

\--

**11:13 am: Sometimes I can’t believe you’re a surgeon omg it’s just mindblowing to me. As someone who knows you very well the knowledge that you cut people open and delicately bring them back from the brink of death is just fucking wild I’m sorry**

**11:16 am: Two nights ago you asked a nine-year-old if he wanted to arm wrestle you for the last piece of pizza and then you go to work and what? Hold a person’s beating heart in your hands or some shit?? That’s ridiculous**

_5:26 pm: They have special surgeons for cardio & I’m a general/trauma surgeon so not too many hearts unless it’s an extra spicy day_

**5:32 pm: This is exactly what I mean!!! That statement alone should disqualify you from ever touching a scalpel!!**

\--

_10:07 am: I’m going to get a coffee - do you want a tea?_

**10:08 am: Yes please!**

_10:08am: Ok cu-TEA!_

10:08 am: 😊😍😊 uwu

_10:09 am: What’s ‘uwu’ stand for_

**10:09 am: Nothing lol**

_10:09 am: ???_

**10:11 am: Idk how to explain it just go get your coffee**

\--

**3:04 pm: Hey I think a package just got delivered - when you have a minute can you go outside & grab it? I’m trapped by sleeping kiddos**

_3:04 pm: Sure! Which kiddos?_

**3:05 pm: Noah’s asleep on my lap because he’s four AND A HALF now and did NOT need to go take a nap he was NOT tired** 😉 **Lukas isn’t sleeping but he’s chilling next to me. He says hi**

_3:06 pm: Hi Lukas!!!_

**3:06 pm: He also says I’m his favorite :/ sorry**

**3:07 pm: I didn’t say that**

_3:07 pm: Did you take Chase’s phone?_

**3:07 pm: Yes**

_3:07 pm: Good job_

\--

**12:39 pm: Is it just me or is it hard to snap back into ‘working adult’ mode after a weekend w/ all the kids?**

**12:40 pm: One of my coworkers was getting annoyed & I almost did the whole “let’s count to ten and take a few deep breaths” thing - doubt that would’ve gone well** 😬

_12:46 pm: I’ve yet to tell any of the other doctors they have to quiet down or I’ll send them to their office but it’s a tempting idea_

**12:48 pm: Maybe we could go the other way and address the kids only with polite workplace smalltalk. Or email lingo - “per our last 7000 conversations on the topic, your bedtime is 9 o’clock.”**

_12:49 pm: I should ask you to pass the salt at dinner the way I ask my coworkers for scalpels in the OR_

**12:50 pm: Only a matter of time until I scream “HIT THAT LIKE BUTTON” during sex**

_12:50 pm: I look forward to that_

\--

**9:04 am: You when any 80s song comes on:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6FLJjBPkSs>

_1:16 pm: When the kids’ school sent home a memo about cyberbullying last week, I didn’t know that I, too, could be a victim_

**1:30 pm:** 😘

\--

_5:09 PM: Hey I know it’s awful but without my calendar in front of me I can’t remember which kids we’ll have a week from Saturday. There’s a conference some of us were thinking of going to but it’s an all-day thing & I’d feel bad sticking you with a house full of kids. I can’t remember if it’ll be all of them or just yours?_

**5:13 pm: Neither - it would usually be all 5 but Stacy has a family thing so Lexi and Noah will be with her. So just your boys. You should def go to your doctor thing, I can handle them no problem. Maybe we’ll go see a movie.**

_5:14 pm: Thanks - I’m losing my damn mind apparently_

**5:14 pm: Just put it in your phone calendar**

_5:15 pm: … I don’t know how_

**5:16 pm: Lol that’s ok I can do it for you or you could also just take a picture of your calendar**

_5:17 pm: Ok - sorry I don’t understand technology_

**5:18 pm: That’s ok - I knew what I signed up for when I started dating an older man**

_5:19 pm: “AN OLDER MAN?!” I AM FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN YOU_

**5:19 pm: Four and a half**

_5:20 pm: “aNd a hAlF” you sound like Noah_

**5:22 pm: September to April is 7 months so if we’re rounding you’re FIVE years older actually**

_5:22 pm:_ 🖕🖕🖕

\--

**3:11 pm: Hey we’re o**

_4:52 pm: ???_

**4:55 pm: Sorry I was trying to let you know we’re out of milk but then I heard the distinct sound of a kid throwing up so I dropped my phone and must’ve sent it by mistake**

_4:56 pm: Such glamorous lives we lead, my love_

**4:56 pm: The** 👏 **joys** 👏 **of** 👏 **fatherhood**

_4:57 pm: Everyone ok? Was it Lukas - poor thing always seems to get whatever’s going around_

**4:59 pm: It was Em - he did tell me last night that a bunch of his friends were sick so it must be going around his school and not the younger ones’ yet. No fever and seems ok - not super lethargic or anything. He’s in bed now, I’ll try to keep Bren and Lukas away.**

_5:03 pm: Thanks. I’m leaving the hospital now - I’ll grab some milk and then be right home to help_

**5:04 pm: You better be - YOU are this family’s appointed doctor. I’m merely the good looks.**

\--

**2:09 pm: I have changed my stance on Kyle - today he spilled something and muttered ‘Jesus Christ’ & the way he said it made me instinctively answer “You’re never gonna get that Best Buy rewards card!” and he said ‘wow I thought only young people knew John Mulaney’ I’M SO OFFENDED**

**2:14 pm: Kyle… I was on your side… I was in your corner… I was rooting for you**

_3:46 pm: Did you say ‘what the fuck is up, Kyle?’_

**4:10 pm: NO I DID NOT OMG WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT??? Maybe then he would have seen me as the Youth that I am.**

**4:10 pm: Also I’m very proud of you - look at how much I’ve taught you**

**4:12 pm: Our relationship is funny bc you teach me stuff about financial responsibility and health & I just teach you memes**

_4:13 pm: Don’t sell yourself short. I’ve also learned what a hashtag is and 2 Ariana Grande songs_

**4:14 pm: Oh you think you’re funny??? I don’t have to sit here and be roasted by you - I get enough of that from Kyle** 😤

\--

**5:07 pm: Sometimes I have a hard time directly asking for things bc it makes me feel like I’m being annoying so I’m just gonna kinda throw something out there:**

**5:07 pm: Would Perform Sexual Favors for a Bag of Doritos**

_5:10 pm: Creative alternative, but foolish. I would’ve done it for free but now you’ve locked yourself into a contract with negotiable terms._

**5:12 pm: What terms are we negotiating lol - I suck your dick up front but my clothes don’t come off until the Doritos are delivered?**

_5:13 pm: You’re bad at this. As someone who believes in fair compensation I must tell you that if you’re putting out for one measly bag of chips you’re vastly undercharging_

**5:15 pm: Sorry I don’t know how to pay for Doritos with my body - I don’t know the snack to snacc exchange rate** 😎

_5:15 pm: Oh my god_

_5:16 pm: I’m going to the store before this conversation gets any worse_

**5:16 pm: Love you too** 😘 **thank yooouuuu**

\--

_6:22 pm: Hey the hospital brought back the blue jell-o cups!! I may have stolen a few and brought them home for my favorite_ 🐰 _\- check the fridge!_

**6:25 pm: Danke** 😊 **uwu**

_6:26 pm: God damnit PLEASE just tell me what that means_

**6:26 pm: No uwu**

_6:27 pm: I’ll just ask Marvin_

**6:28 pm: He won’t tell you - he and Jackie are both in on the joke. And we wouldn’t explain it to JJ until he promised not to tell you either**

_6:30 pm:_

**6:31 pm: What’s that?**

_6:32 pm: I google image searched ‘collusion’ - is this not a meme?_

**6:32 pm: Give me like 10 mins**

**6:48 pm:**

**Here you go bby now YOU are the meme**

\--

_7:13 pm: Psst those jeans look really sexy on you_

**7:15 pm: What do you mean?? Are you in this store??** 😂

_7:15 pm: Look behind you but shhh don’t say anything_

**7:16 pm: Why can’t I say anything lol what are you doing here?**

_7:17 pm: I’m just here because we ran out of bread but you’re here with Marvin right?_

**7:18 pm: Yeah he’s having a party for his magician friends this weekend so we’re picking up snacks**

_7:19 pm: I’m gonna follow a little behind you guys and see how many aisles we can go down before he notices I’m here_

**7:20 pm: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard**

**7:20 pm: I love it**

\--

_8:11 am: Hey_ 🐰 _I totally forgot I had a meeting today - might be a little late_

**10:33 am: No problem! But out of curiosity - why do you always send me the bunny emoji??**

_12:07 pm:_

_Your name is ‘c_ 🐰 _’_

**12:15 pm: OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S A PUN**

_12:16 pm: Did I impress THE Chase Brody with a pun? I feel like I should win an award for that_

**12:19 pm:**

_12:20 pm:_ 😂 _bunny’s funny_

\--

**8:34 am: I KNOW YOU ATE MY LEFTOVER PASTA ASSHOLE!! JUST WAIT TIL TONIGHT I’M GONNA TAKE YOU THE FUCK DOWN**

**12:16 pm: Brenner’s coach emailed everyone that practice is cancelled on Thursday. I think you’re off but if you need me to leave work early to pick him up after school just let me know**

**12:18 pm: But don’t think that my being a responsible parent means that your crimes have been forgotten. My vengeance will be swift and brutal**

\--

_4:32 pm: Some of the other surgical staff are getting drinks and want me to go_

**5:19 pm: Sorry just saw this but have fun! I might just order something for dinner do you want me to get you anything for later?**

_5:20 pm: I was texting you because I was hoping you’d give me an excuse not to go. I couldn’t think of one in time so now I have to_ 🙄

**5:20 pm: Why don’t you want to? You never go out with your work friends**

_5:21 pm: Work acquaintances_

**5:21 pm: Maybe if you hang out with them they’ll turn into friends**

_5: 22 pm: I don’t want friends, I want to come home and hang out with my cute boyfriend on one of the rare nights where I have tomorrow off and we don’t have any of the kids_

**5:23 pm: I appreciate that & respect your introverted ways but also know from therapy that being social and bonding with peers is important for your mental health. So go have fun on your Chase-mandated playdate & if you’re a good boy I’ll give you lots of kisses when you get home**

_5:23 pm: FINE_

**5:24 pm:** 😘

_10:32 pm: CHHAAAAAAAASE_

**10:33 pm: Hi baby - seems like drinks w/ the other surgeons went well after all lol**

_10:33 pm: We had so mucj fun but now i misssssss youuuu :(_

**10:34 pm: Should I come pick you up?**

_10:34 pm: No I’m in a cab_ 😊

**10:34 pm: Oh ok good!!!**

_10:35 pm: It is good everything’s good and you are the most good_

**10:35 pm: I’m the most good?**

_10:35 pm Yes_

_10:35 pm: You are the most good thing_

_10:36 pm: In the world_

**10:36 pm: Oh drunk Henrik…. how I’ve missed you**

_10:36 pm: Are you makingg fun of me why I just want to love you_

**10:37 pm: Aww, did somebody lose his tolerance to alcohol because he cut back drastically when his boyfriend quit drinking?**

**10:39 pm: Also I don’t know if you guys ended up getting food since you were out for a while but there’s Chinese food in the fridge for you**

_10:39 pm: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**10:40 pm: Oh my god**

**10:42 pm: Wait is that your cab I see pulling away? I didn’t hear you come in - where are you???**

_10:43 pm: Hiding ;)_

_10:43 pm: Come find meeeeeee_

**10:43 pm: Jesus Christ**

_9:04 am: Thank you for leaving me water and aspirin_

**9:07 am: Of course! Sorry I didn’t say goodbye I didn’t wanna wake you. Hangover?**

_9:09 am: Yeah - don’t know if it’s because it’s been a while or I’m just getting old but it’s worse than I’m used to_

**9:09 am: Sorry :( Make sure to drink water and all that stuff**

_9:10 am: You know what would really make me feel better? If you told me you deleted that picture of me hiding in the bushes_

**9:10 am: ‘Deleted it’ are you kidding me?? It’s my new lockscreen!**

**9:11 am: Besides I already sent it to Jackie and Marvin and JJ so what good would deleting it from MY phone do?**

_9:11 am: I hate you_

**9:12 am: Oh really because you couldn’t stop talking about how much you looove me while I was pulling leaves out of your hair last night**

_9:13 am: Fuck off I’m going back to sleep_

_9:14 am: I’m never drinking again all it does is make my head hurt and impair my ability to decimate you in our textual banter_

\--

**3:02 pm: Sometimes people ask me if it’s weird that your kids are a little older than my kids but personally I like it if for no other reason than you having a boy old enough to sit in the front seat has elevated my car-ride performances of “No Scrubs” to their maximum potential by giving me someone to point at during the ‘oh, yes, son, I’m talking to you’ part**

\--

_4:32 pm: Hey I got to leave early today_ 😄 _so I’m already home_

**4:45 pm: Yay! Spoiler alert: I will be walking through the door and immediately taking off these jeans**

_4:46 pm: And then what_ 😏

**4:47 pm: And then I wanna nap tbh**

**4:47 pm: But after that I’m dtf** 😆

_4:48 pm: I feel like those are good priorities_

**4:50 pm: Exactly! I just wanna get them Zs before I get that D**

**4:52 pm: Tuck me in and then we’ll sin**

**4:52 pm: Let me snore then make me sore**

_4:53 pm: How are you so good at this?_

**4:53 pm: Idek dude**

**4:55 pm Wanna sleep real sound then get dicked down**

**4:56 pm: Join me in the sheets then eat my meat**

**4:58 pm: Spoon me tight then touch me right**

**5:00 pm: Sleep beside me then cum inside me**

_5:00 pm: Jesus_ 😂

**5:01 pm: Wanted to end on a good one. Getting in the car now - see ya soon** 😘

\--

**3:17 pm: Told myself I would be productive on my day off & catch up with emails. Decided to put on some background noise I didn’t care about to help focus so I put on those wedding shows on TLC. I’ve written 0 emails but I now have hard opinions on things like signature drinks and sweetheart tables**

\--

_12:42 pm: Hey are you eating lunch?_

**12:43 pm: Yeah why what’s up**

_12:44 pm: Nothing I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you._

**12:44 pm: Are you ok?**

_12:46 pm: I’m fine it’s just been a long day already and I really want to be home with you. I’m done being a doctor I want a hug and a nap_

**12:47 pm: I’m sorry baby :(**

**12:48 pm: Do you want me to tell you how to make fake puke so you can go home early? I used to do it all the time when I was in school and not to flex but it’s pretty convincing**

_12:49 pm: Chase I love you so much but I don’t know if that’s a genuine idea or if you’re stealthily trying to make me not miss you as much_

**12:49 pm: It was genuine but I understand your confusion**

**12:50 pm: I promise before you know it we’ll both be home and then we can go to sleep**

_12:50 pm: We should probably take care of those kids we’ve got first_

**12:52 pm: We do enough for those little gremlins - why don’t they cook for US and check OUR homework and read US bedtime stories for once? Deadbeats**

_12:53 pm: You make me smile_

_12:53 pm: My lunch break’s almost over so goodbye for a few hours_

**12:54 pm: Bye, love you** ❤️

_12:55 pm: Love you too. So much._

\--

**12:48 pm:** 🙁

_1:02 pm: Aw - what’s wrong_

**1:03 pm: Found a shirt that’s really speaking to me but I don’t think I could pull it off**

_1:06 pm: Are you kidding?!?!_ 🐰 _you’re the most gorgeous person alive & look amazing in absolutely everything. I’ve known you for YEARS and never once seen anything not flatter you - artwork as beautiful as you looks amazing no matter what frame you put it in. Whatever it is, you should get it!!!_

**1:06 pm: Aw thank you baby - can’t wait to roll up to the PTA meeting rocking this:**

_1:08 pm: Is that what we do in this relationship? Trickery and entrapment?_

**1:08 pm: I’m sorry**

**1:08 pm: Sorry I made this all about me - you want us to get matching ones?**

_1:10 pm:_

**1:10 PM: HEY YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GOOGLE IT THIS TIME!!!**

\--

**7:52 pm: Hallo Sonnenschein! Du bist die Liebe meines Lebens und du machst mich so glücklich!**

_8:10 pm: Aw_ ❤️ _that was very good I’m proud of you_

**8:10 pm: Thanks!**

_8:11 pm: The DuoLingo owl would also be proud of you_

**8:12 pm: OH MY GOD THANK YOU that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!!!**

\--

_2:46 pm: Where did you go? These kids are about to kill me_

**2:47 pm: Lexi wanted to play hero and criminal or something and she told me I was imprisoned here**

_2:48 pm: And you can’t get past a six-year-old?_

**2:49 pm: She left but I decided I should play along. I mean you gotta foster imagination and creativity in your children right?**

_2:50 pm: … Where exactly did she ‘imprison’ you?_

**2:50 pm: Irrelevant**

_2:51 pm: Would it happen to be in our quiet bedroom totally alone because all the kids are downstairs bothering me?_

**2:52 pm:** 😎

_2:52 pm: CHASE_

**2:53 pm I’ve got a full water bottle, a phone charger, and snacks in here too so I could be fostering imagination and creativity for a while** 😘

\--

**1:12 pm: Hey there’s this thing on Twitter where people send their boyfriends a text saying ‘I want a baby’ and screenshot the reactions. Wanted to join in but I didn’t actually wanna prank you so I’m just gonna cut this part out of the screenshot lol**

**1:13 pm: I want a baby**

_1:15 pm: WHAT?!?! OH MY GOD?!?!_

**1:16 pm: THAT’S ALL YOU GOT?? You sass me over text DAILY but when I ask you for something dramatic for Twitter you tap out??**

_1:17 pm: Sorry, I can’t think of anything funny_

_1:17 pm: Do you want me to hit random letters like you do sometimes_

**1:18 pm: OOH YES A HENRIK KEYBOARD SMASH! LET’S GO**

**1:18 pm: I want a baby**

_1:20 pm: M4rjfvqlp6ddapo_

**1:21 pm: Oh shit nvm I HATED that how the fuck did you get numbers in there?**

_1:22 pm: I don’t know what you want from me_

**1:22 pm: A baby**

_1:23 pm:_ 🖕

\--

**11:17 am: Hey did you know that you’re wonderful and I love you with my entire heart**

**11:20 am: Look I was listening to music on shuffle and a whole bunch of soft love songs came on and now I’m just sitting here… thinking about you & how much I love you & how happy I am that you exist & choose to have me in your life**

**11:21 am: You’re probably doing surgery right now - too busy to check your phone, not knowing that I’m lurking, plotting how many kisses I’m gonna give you when you get home** 😈 

_12:56: I’ll never see it coming_

\--

**6:54 pm: Jfjadhfjfjh I don’t even know how to start this story oh my god**

**6:55 pm: Please know that I’m only telling you this because my need for advice outweighs my hesitancy to inflate your ego**

**6:58 pm: So I was picking Brenner up from practice and you know you have to give your name and the kid’s name so they can make sure you’re authorized to take them so this woman next to me hears me say I’m there for Brenner von Schneeplestein and says ‘oh yeah I’ve seen you with his dad at the kids’ games, you guys are friends, right?’ and BEFORE I CAN SAY ANYTHING she launches into ‘is he still single because he’s really cute’**

**6:59 pm: And I kinda sorta froze**

**7:01 pm: Cause I don’t mean she politely asked me what your deal was like she was getting all buddy-buddy with me like ‘oh isn’t he a DOCTOR ooh you gotta love a hot doctor’ and I was just standing there like**

**7:02 pm: And next thing I know she was writing down her phone number and asking if I’d give it to you and I didn’t know how to correct her at that point so I just took it and said “uh yeah”**

_7:09 pm: This is the best day of my life_

**7:12 pm: It’s NOT FUNNY Henrik I’m eventually gonna see her again what the fuck am I supposed to tell her?? Like I can’t tell her we’re dating at this point because any normal human being would’ve said that up front but I PANICKED. But she’s gonna wanna know if I gave it to you!!!**

_7:13 pm: Tell her you forgot because you were dazed by what a hot doctor I am_

**7:14 pm: STOPPPP oh my god I don’t know what to do. We may have to break up so you can call this woman. I’ll miss you but it seems like the only way for me to not further embarrass myself**

_7:16 pm: Just say you gave it to me and I was flattered but not looking for a relationship right now_

**7:16 pm: OH that would make sense. You’re so smart!**

_7:18 pm: Thank you - takes more than just looks to be a hot doctor, y’know_ 😉

\--

_9:38 pm: Hey - I think you’re cute uwu_

**9:39 pm: WHO SNITCHED?!?**

_9:41 pm: Hmm I don’t know Chase. Which of our friends understands internet things well enough to explain it and could also be easily manipulated into feeling bad about excluding someone from a joke?_

**9:42 pm: DAMMIT JACKIE I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him**

_9:42 pm: UWU_

**9:43 pm: STOP**

\--

**3:56 pm: Hey what are you up to?**

_3:56 pm: Just watching TV - you?_

**3:57 pm: In bed - bad day. If you’re not busy can you come keep me company?**

_3:58 pm: Of course - I’ll be right up, just gonna get you some water_

**3:58 pm: Thanks**

\--

_6:34 pm: I know going to parent-teacher conferences is an important part of being a good father but I just had to reprimand Emeric for referring to his math teacher as a “dickhead” and to be honest it would’ve been easier to do if I had never met the guy and didn’t know that he is, in fact, a dickhead_

\--

**11:59 am: Hey you’re hot can I have your phone number?**

_4:24 pm: Sorry, no. I don’t want you to be able to text me_

**4:36 pm: How dare you take the random bullshit I send you and make it funny?**

\--

**10:06 am: Hey who are your favorite people? Just like… life in general?**

_10:10 am: You and our kids_

**10:11 am: Excellent then I’ve found your new coffee cup:**

_10:12 am: Very funny! Hey if you’re out can you pick something up? You might have to go to a different place to get it but I can send you an address_

**10:12 am: Sure!**

_10:14 am: Thanks - go[here](https://henrik-von-schneeplestein.tumblr.com/private/185997581498/tumblr_pu0b96ZBnS1wu7iam) _

**10:15 am: I think you mistyped something lol that’s a church**

_10:15 am: Yeah ‘cause you need Jesus_

\--

_11:58 am: I always feel bad I don’t text you from work but I’m always either in the OR without my phone or in my office which is boring. You have cool things at your job to show me, I just have a desk with a bunch of random papers_

**12:02 pm: Draw me a picture on one of the papers**

_12:07 pm:_

_It’s the sunglasses emoji because that’s the one you always send me but I put a hat on him so he looks like you_

**12:08 pm:**

\--

**5:38 pm: Heyyy. How was your day?**

_5:40 pm: Not bad. Except while we were lifting a patient from the bed to the operating table one of the other doctors sneezed and we almost dropped him lol_

**5:41 pm: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘LOL’?**

_5:41 pm: Hey I said ‘almost’_

\--

**1:22 pm: Hey have you seen my dongle**

_1:23 pm: Hell yeah I have… but I’d love to see it again_ 😏

**1:23 pm: My PHONE dongle you nasty** 😭

_1:23 pm: ...your WHAT?_

**1:25 pm:**

_1:25 pm: Oh that thing’s on the coffee table_

_1:26 pm: Why would they name it that_

\--

_10:44 am: Sometimes when I have to deal with assholes at work I remind myself that they’ll never get to experience a Chase Hug and take petty joy in that_

**12:02 pm: You should start taking names for a ‘Do Not Hug’ blacklist**

**12:04 pm: Someone comes to meet me at VidCon and I tell them ‘nice try buddy, seven months ago you were a jerk to Dr. Henrik von Schneeplestein, hug denied.’ And then they are forcibly removed from the premises while everyone claps**

_12:36 pm: Your fantasies are more petty than mine and you have no idea who I’m talking about_

**12:37 pm: Someone makes baby mad… I hope their life bad** 😈

\--

**3:33 pm: I’m at Target with Marvin and lowkey looking at some of the purses. Just to carry around like some snacks for the kids and my vlog camera and that kinda stuff?**

**3:34 pm: My kids are young & wouldn’t care but do you think yours would be embarrassed?**

_3:51 pm: I don’t think they’d be embarrassed but hey maybe they’ll finally think I’m the cool one_

**4:16 pm: Yeah that’s not a concern I’ve ever had**

**4:17 pm: Also I ended up getting one. It’s pretty androgynous - it’s one of those ones that looks like a little backpack - but if the kids have issues w/ it I guess they’ll just have to learn to accept that I’m a gender-norm-breaking FASHION ICON**

_4:17 pm: Last night while you were changing you got stuck in your jeans and fell over_

**4:17 pm: FASHION. ICON.** 🖕🖕🖕

\--

**2:04 pm: Heyyy so fun news: after absolutely NAILING a trick for a video I was, y’know, running into frame and cheering and I MAY have tripped and hit my head on the table like… really hard tbh. So we (the crew & I) think I might have a concussion. Think of it this way - I just really wanted to come see you at work!**

_2:08 pm: Can I call you_

**2:08 pm: Nah - we’re in the car but still filming. This is CLICKBAIT babey!!!**

_2:10 pm: Chase, please answer your damn phone.This situation is in no way funny_

**2:11 pm: I respectfully disagree**

**2:13 pm:**

**You know WHY this is funny? Because when the kids get sick I’M the one freaking out and YOU make fun of ME for “overreacting.” If I’d known a concussion was all I needed to get sweet revenge I woulda rammed my head into the wall months ago**

_2:14 pm: Kids just get sick sometimes. You CHOOSE to give me heart palpitations_

**2:15 pm: You knew when you got with a trickshot man what kind of life I lead. It’s a dangerous lifestyle but someone has to do it**

_2:17 pm: When you get to the hospital where do you want me to meet you?_

**2:18 pm: IDK we just started driving here by default - do you even need to go to the hospital for a concussion? Like is this an emergency technically?**

_2:18 pm: You should see a doctor, yeah_

**2:19 pm: You’re a doctor. Come out to the parking garage and check me for a concussion yourself bby** 😏😘😉

_2:20 pm: Absolutely not but I AM going to stay with you while they check you out so when they say “this man has clearly lost braincells” or “he’s acting bizarre” I can assure them that you were already this way_

**2:20 pm: You’re back to roasting me does that mean you’re feeling better?**

_2:21 pm: I don’t know - are YOU feeling any better? Because otherwise I’ll feel bad telling you to go fuck yourself_

**2:22 pm: I’m honestly fine - I mean my head definitely hurts and I’m REALLY sleepy which is why I think concussion but I’m ok. I’m tougher than I look, you know** 😜

_2:22 pm: I do know_

**2:23 pm: We’re almost at the hospital so I should see you soon**

_2:24 pm: Good. There should be signs pointing where to go for emergencies. I’ll meet you at the door_

**2:24 pm:** ❤️

\--

**4:31 pm: It started raining out, can you close the windows upstairs**

_4:32 pm: Anything for you, love of my life, stars in my sky_

**4:32 pm: Thanks dork**

\--

**12:11 pm: Sometimes I wonder what you’re doing & it’s crazy bc you could be saving someone’s life at that very second**

\--

**12:38 pm: I haven’t been keeping up with learning German and the DuoLingo Owl has shamed me so much that I feel like this is a dark secret that will eat me up inside if I don’t confess it to you**

_12:45 pm: It’s okay. We’ll get through this together_

**12:46 pm: But I genuinely feel a little bad that I’m not making enough effort to learn your native language especially since no one else in our lives really speaks it :/**

_12:48 pm: It’s ok, I think it’s nice of you to even try. Besides - since we’re confessing things - I know you like when I talk dirty in German but I’m not really that good at dirty talk so sometimes when I can’t think of anything I’ll just say random nonsense since you can’t understand me anyway_

**12:48 pm: KFHJDGHJGHJDGHGHJD WHAT???**

_12:49 pm: Last night I was talking you through gallstone surgery_

**12:49 pm: I’M SCREAMING PLEASE SAY PSYCHE**

_12:51 pm: If it’s any consolation I was very thorough. We went over scrubbing in beforehand, the whole nine yards_

**12:52 pm: Henrik PLEASE I am at work and like sob-laughing/shriek-wheezing right now people are looking at me weird there are tears on my face I need to know if you’re messing with me**

_12:52 pm: I’m messing with you_

**12:53 pm: Oh my god I fucking hate you. We start filming in like 5 minutes and my face is all red. If the commenters drag me for it I will sue you for emotional suffering**

_12:54 pm: Good luck with your video_

**12:54 pm: Thanks - have a good rest of your day**

_12:55 pm: Vielleicht kann ich Ihnen heute Abend beibringen, wie man die richtigen Antibiotika verschreibt_ ❤️

**12:55 pm:** ❤️

**12:58 pm: WAIT HDGJHGJDHGJH**

\--

_8:07 am:_ 🔫😎 < \----- it’s you!!!

**9:16 am:** 🤓 < \---- it’s you

_10:35 am:_ 😢

**12:34 pm:** 😘

_1:39 pm:_ 😄

\--

**4:15 pm: Wearing a sheet wrapped around you is honestly the most underrated and versatile look. Am I a haunting, mysterious figure emerging from the mist? A Greek god, or other heavenly being? A superhero with a cape? Ariel from The Little Mermaid? Wearing a delicate dress with a long train? The possibilities are endless.**

_4:17 pm: So I’m guessing all our pillows & other blankets are on the floor right now?_

**4:17 pm: Can’t hear you over the sound of my aesthetic**

\--

(different time zones)

**Landed safely** 😊 **heading to the hotel now**

_Hey sorry work got crazy but thanks for letting me know. Hope you’re all settled in_

**Yeah! Might head to bed soon so I’m ready for tomorrow tbh. As sorry as I am that you couldn’t come along, idk how much fun you would’ve had. Conventions are so exhausting & I’m in meet & greets and stuff all day anyway**

_Hope you get to have fun even though it’s a lot. At the very least, I’m sure you’ll enjoy sleeping in a bed without someone snoring right next to you_ 😜

**I’m sure you’ll enjoy sleeping in a bed without someone tossing & turning and laying all over you lol**

_Goodnight Schatz, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Don’t forget to take your pills!_

**Night baby. I love you (and maybe miss you already, but I’m trying to play it cool. How am I doing?)**

_Better than me_ 😉 _Love & miss you too. Sleep well xoxo_

\--

_3:06 pm: Chase you have to stop listening to music when you cook I think I’m developing a Pavlovian response to songs you play a lot_

_3:07 pm: I was in a store and they started playing Irreplaceable and I was suddenly so hungry I had to go to the coffeeshop next door to get a snack_

**3:10 pm: What direction was the coffeeshop in? Was it… to the left, to the left?** 😎

_3:11 pm: I’m trying to make fun of you; stop being so cute_

**3:11 pm:** 😊😘😊 **no.** 😘😊😘

\--

**11:21 am: Picked up the cake for Em’s birthday tomorrow. Still can’t believe he’s gonna be 13 - is it dumb if I cry over YOUR kid growing up too fast?**

_12:17 pm: Not dumb - sweet!_

**12:20 pm: Glad YOU think so. The lady at the bakery who watched me pay for a birthday cake with tears in my eyes was definitely judging.**

\--

**9:04 am: Aw - I told the story about that crazy guy we met last weekend in one of my vlogs and look what one of the top comments was:**

**9:04 am: My subscribers are Intellectuals who recognize how amazing my baby is!!!**

_10:31 am: Why did they put a question mark after boyfriend? I think they’re shocked you settled so low_

**10:47 am: Hey! Untrue! I think it was because I just call you ‘Henrik’ and it’s been a while since I specified ‘my boyfriend.’ I’ve seen some people in the comments wondering if we got married at some point**

_10:48 am: I guess that's fair - I mean we've lived together forever and call ourselves the kids' 'stepdads' sometimes so it could be confusing_

**10:49 am: From an outsider’s perspective I guess it’s kinda weird that we’re not officially married**

_10:50 am: Maybe we should fix that sometime_

**10:50 am: Yeah, maybe we shed**

**10:51 am: *SHOULD oh my god**

**10:51 am: We were totally having a Moment and autocorrect ruined it** 😭😭😭

**10:52 am: I’m embarrassed now - please delete this entire conversation from both your phone and your mind**

_10:52 am:_ 😂 _I love you_

**10:53 am: Don’t laugh at me jerk** 😠 **(I love you too** ❤️ **)**

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this started as a silly side project, but it kept getting longer. It took a long time to edit, partially because I wrote these in no order, so it was really disorganized, but also because whenever I would try to go edit it, I just ended up adding to it lol. So I hope you had half as much fun reading it as I had writing it :)


End file.
